Dear Boston Red Sox, You Need Carl Pavano

D’OH!  Sometimes you write something and then other news comes out and makes it irrelevant!  Anyway, here is what I wrote before the Indians completed a trade of Carl Pavano to the Twinkies.

Dear Boston Red Sox,

As you know, our team isn’t good.  You found it in your heart to give us some prospects in exchange for a great catcher and emotional leader.  While that maneuver didn’t really make any of us happy, I thought of something.  It won’t make up for the fact that you now have our favorite player, but it will still help a little bit.

A modest proposal for you.  We have a way for you to really stick it to the Yankees this season.  We will put Carl Pavano on waivers and then you pick him up.  He cashed a whole lot of checks signed by the Steinbrenners and they were really unhappy with his production.  What better way to stick it in the Yankees’ good eye than to sign Pavano and give him a chance at getting revenge not only for himself, but also on your behalf as you look to continue the domination streak over the Yankees.

We understand you have this rivalry thing with that team in New York.  I am kidding of course.  Even if we wanted to forget about the rivalry, ESPN couldn’t possibly allow us to go a single month of the season without the thought that no other two teams in the league matter.  Anyway, we saw the game last night where John Smoltz got crushed by the Yankees.  We also noticed yesterday that you signed Paul Byrd to a minor league deal.  Obviously you have some questions regarding your pitching staff.

Seems like a win / win.  We will take whatever prospects you deem appropriate.  Also, we can pump this deal up a little bit if you happen to want a wind-milling catcher who hit a lot of home runs last year.  If you want to take him we will be happy if you just buy us a couple of pumpkin ales from Boston Beer Works.  If worse comes to worse, I hear a lot of rumors about our society harnessing wind-power to supplement our energy in this country.  Our guy could probably power the overhead lights at Fenway for half the season.



P.S. If the Carl Pavano thing really works out well, we would love it if you would trade Victor back to us and also pay his salary if it isn’t too much trouble.

  • Boomer

    LOL, this is awesome! Great stuff, Craig.

  • dwhit

    LOL. Loved the PS.

  • Cleveland Frowns

    The entire City of Cleveland appreciates your efforts on behalf of the local ballclub. Now, if you could only do something about that logo.

  • The Bambino

    That would (have) work(ed). Darn.