jimkanicki did it. He made this post muy fantastico. Abbreviated video form here, words later:
Nobody who reads this post is perfect, unless my wife is reading it (awwwwww…). We all have our faults. Rick posted his yesterday, and I’m posting mine today. I grew up Catholic, so I know all about the confessionals and also passive-aggressive guilt, which is pretty much the worst. It’s been a goal of mine to not be passive-aggressive, and so this will be good for me. Honesty is like the best policy. Also, I know some a lot of all of you a number of people that hang ’round these parts don’t particularly like me. Here’s more fodder.
1] I really am apathetic towards the Browns. To me they’re like an absentee father. I always heard about them growing up, but the years that I would have really latched on to them (age 11-15) they weren’t around. I’m pretty much dismissive of the NFL as a whole because of this. That, and I wear black nail polish and may or may not be classified as a “cutter”.
2] I absolutely HATE when people claim that their team/city’s fans are more [passionate, knowledgeable, heartfelt, INSERT POSITIVE QUALITY HERE] than every other team. There are knowledgeable fans in every fan base. There are also a lot of absolute morons out there. For every team. They’re pretty evenly dispersed around the country, from what I’ve gathered. We’re not any better or worse than any other collective fan base. So stop it.
4] I don’t find any of the LeBron commercials funny. It’s not that commercials don’t work on me – pretty much any commercial about running gets me motivated. I just don’t find any of the LeBron commercials funny, at all.
5] I’m a joke snob. This being the case, I’m tired of all donut references. Inside jokes aren’t funny any more when someone screams the punchline any time Delonte West is shown in a picture. Internet jokes just get run into the ground way too fast these days, and usually have a halflife of about a day. Case in point: Bros Icing Bros has totally jumped the shark :’[
/Puts on ten year old Adam Sandler album
//Photoshops an orange bear into yet another picture
/// Something, something, Jake Locker
6] Kind of along with no. 1, I have no issues whatsoever with the Steelers. My dad’s from Pittsburgh and never has gloated or anything about the Steelers being better than the Browns since the Browns came back. They’re a solid, solid franchise. If the Browns could be like them, that’d be great. My mom’s from Philly and cares zero about sports, so being a “first-generation” Northern Ohio sports fan kind of gave me a blank slate of teams to choose from.
7] In four years at OSU I missed most of two football games that I had tickets to. One game I fell down some stairs the night previous (because they were wet, the booze had nothing to do with it) and likely had a concussion. It was a game against Sparty in 03 and nothing noteworthy happened. My senior year I got to a game late in the second quarter against SDSU (or SJSU), watched two offensive series and left to go have more sodie-pops. In hindsight, both instances were probably the correct decision.
8] I’ve never listened to sports radio. Well OK – I’ve listened some. It just seems like pure crap to me. The endless negativity is absurd and does nothing but anger people. I prefer to be chill.
9] I’m a standard OSU fan – I don’t follow basketball really until it’s time for the Big Ten tourney. In my time at OSU I went to three basketball games. Never had a lot of fun at those three and I never got hooked.
10] I’m glad that I live outside of Ohio. I miss out on seeing sports live, but I also don’t have to deal with [as much] of the mind-numbing wailing and grinding of teeth that happens during the bad times. It’s unbearable. I had to shut down my Twitter client during the Boston series a few weeks ago because I can’t stand all the negativity that comes from some folks. At least I wasn’t surrounded by sulking people the next few days in my everyday life. Everyone around DC was largely apathetic towards things, and it made my life a lot easier.
10] I’m becoming a semi-observant Nationals fan. It seems pretty benign to me – I live 15 minutes away from Nats Stadium and can walk to a game from home. The park is beautiful, the weather is good, and it’s pretty cheap. Why not take in a decent number of games and follow another young, crappy beisbol team? I’m no mathematician, but I figure the odds of an Indians/Nationals World Series are astronomically thin. Like, thinner than 50 Cent these days.
11] I’ve never been to an NFL game. I’ve been to NBA games, MLB games, and college football games, but I’ve never been to an NFL game. I know, I know. This is where you’ll all be like “DERP DERP DENNY GO TO A BROWNS GAME AND SEE THE TRUE FANS IN ACTIONNE!” It still falls in line though – I’d rather take the money I’d spend on a trip to Cleveland to go to a Browns game on a trip to Columbus to see the Bucks. I’m not against the idea of going to an NFL game, but I’d rather spend what little money I do have on going back to the old stomping grounds.
12] I’d rather watch a track and field broadcast or a marathon broadcast over an NFL game. Before you crucify me I live out of the Browns broadcast bubble and will only get one or two games a year (last year it was one). I’d rather watch a track meet than a random NFL game. HOWEVAAAA, I’d rather watch a random college football game than anything else.
13] I miss Lloyd Carr. I mean this completely sincerely. He was a fantastic college football coach. There’s more to college football than the games – the teams are an extension of the university that they represent. Lloyd Carr was a fantastic representative of the University of Michigan. I also miss Michigan being good. Not so good that they would neccesarily beat them Bucks, but they’d at least make a game out of it. I REALLY don’t like seeing the other marquis program in the Big Ten being a dump.
14] I cheered for Michigan once when it was Lloyd Carr’s final bowl game. I did this partially for spite towards UF, but mostly because I wanted to see Carr go out a winner. When they won, I was happy for him.
I think that’s it. Now feel free to fling poo at me all you want.