While John Madden is slicing up Turduckens with his bare hands and Ted Mosby is opting for an additional turkey instead of the duck and chicken, the Akron Aeros are taking a Thanksgiving Day delicacy and turning it up a notch. Swapping the birds for dogs – hot dogs, that is.
Enter the everso esculent “Three Dog Night.”
Named after the late-60s rock band that popularized the song “Joy to the World,” the Aeros will be serving up a trio of ballpark favorites…all in one edible item. That is correct: the Three Dog Night will consist of a hot dog, inside of a bratwurst, inside of a kielbasa. And if that isn’t enough, the entire “dog” will be stuffed inside of a hoagie roll and topped with sauerkraut.
You read that right.
The Three Dog Night will reportedly weigh in at over one full pound, with 15 ounces of said meal being “meat.” While details will be released soon after the first of the year, the Aeros wanted to ensure that their recently-released miniature ticket plans featured the new palatable pork-like product, hoping to capitalize on a bit of intrigue.
“This is one of many new food items we will be featuring in 2011,” said Dan Foust, Aeros assistant general manager of media and marketing. “We wanted to tie one of our mini-plans to a food item and this was a natural pairing.”
Those looking to take part in a Three Dog Night will either be ponying up $7 at the park concession stands or will have to take advantage of the team’s aforementioned packages that provide 10 vouchers which can be redeemed for a sodium-laced thrill ride for ones intestines. Unfortunately, for those that have taken part in WFNY night at Canal Park, the culinary creation will not be part of the team’s discounted items on Thirsty Thursdays. It looks like fans will have to settle for the dollar drafts instead.
When asked about the caloric intake of the cholesterol-increasing conception, the Aeros could only say “a lot.” After a bit of due diligence and some fuzzy math, it can be estimated that the three dogs,sauerkraut and hoagie bun will total approximately 950 calories (500 from fat) and 180 milligrams of cholesterol, nearing half of what one is recommended to consume throughout an 24-hour entire day.
While we cannot recommend one person taking in all 10 vouchers for themselves over the course of the summer, this item does have a bit of a Man vs. Food feel to it. Who doesn’t like a mid-week digestive tract challenge? After all, nothing screams “Travis Hafner rehab assignment” quite like swallowing a full pound of processed meat.
Take it to the house, kids. Let us know how it turns out.
Update: WFNY reader Scott Snell emailed in to say that my conservative caloric estimates were just that – entirely too conservative. I’ll let Scott take it from here:
“I would estimate the thing to be north of about 3,300 calories and here is how I get that: Most sausages, brats and dogs are at least 70 percent fat and fat has 9 calories per gram (protein and carbs are both 4 calories per gram). If the sausage weights in at 15 ounces (420 grams) then that alone would have 2,646 calories from fat and 504 calories from remaining protein and carbs for a whopping total of…3,150 calories. A typical hoagie roll will be at least 200 calories so there you have it, a 3,350 calorie behemoth.
Also safe to say that it will have around 4000 milligrams of sodium and 450 milligrams of cholesterol.
Note: Image is not an actual image of the Three Dog Night