Mortenson: The end of the NFL Pro Bowl could be near
April 26, 2012Antawn’s Closing Advance
April 26, 2012
I really did feel like something of a dummy when the Redskins won the trade battle for the rights to draft Robert Griffin III. I bought into a player and knew that the Browns had the weapons to make the trade happen. When they failed to get it done, I was sad for myself even as I could see some positives for the Browns for not giving up as much as the Redskins did. I was almost more upset that I spent so much time talking about a guy who would never become a Cleveland Brown. That was back when the pre-draft hype was actually fun. Somewhere along the line this turned from being really fun to causing stress and consternation, if not being just downright annoying.
You can figure out exactly where it happened for me because I started reminding myself that this was supposed to be fun in the posts. I lied to you all and said I was still enjoying myself. It’s like when you go bowling once per year and you’re really excited for it. You rent your shoes get a pitcher of beer and play a few games. Then because you haven’t bowled a lot your shoulder starts to groan a bit. Those energetic skips down the lane turn into chores. You’re still bowling and that should be fun, but the beer is low in the pitcher and nearly room temperature. It’s just over. You’ll remember only the fun parts nine or ten months later when you decide that it would be really fun to go bowling again, but if you thought really hard about it you’d actually remember the sore shoulder, warm beer and the strange smell of chemical shoe spray.
I won’t sit here and pretend to be able to tell you exactly what the Browns need to do tonight to make me feel good. It’s like the Supreme Court definition for pornography. “I shall not today attempt further to define the draft picks I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description [“a good draft”]; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it…” Good drafts take many different looks.
Could it include Trent Richardson? I think so.
Could it include Justin Blackmon? Probably.
Could it include Ryan Tannehill? Yep. It’s possible.
Could it involve two or more players who I haven’t even had across the keys of my keyboard this draft hype season? Not likely, but sure.
The Browns have two picks in the first round right now and the surest way to find disappointment is to paint Tom Heckert into a corner. Having been through all the talk that we’ve been through over the preceding months, there are lots of ways to accomplish improvement tonight and over the next few days. Now that the day is finally here it is feeling fun again. Back to the bowling analogy. Now all the Browns have to do is end the day of bowling with three straight strikes.
And by the way, you really should come on out and watch the draft with us!
76 Comments
He also wrote Even the losers get lucky sometimes. So there is hope.
God, Petty was the third rockingest laureate ceremony I’ve ever been to. Sorry but Ted Kooser’s event was inSANE!!! ” Maybe you all will have to live your whole lives without seeing Carmen Electra doing body shots of absinthe out of a kangaroo’s pouch, but not this guy! KOOOZ WHASUP!!!??? all night long with that. Cypress Hill performing with B Real dressed up like Ezra Pound- just a great great time
You think I’m overly verbose about a silly revamping of the NBA lottery system? Don’t get me started on Gutter Ballz. For everyone’s sake let me assure you that this particular question has been raised, addressed, and resolved with two simple words; Hanging Cages.
If only you could get your scientists working on a brain for you first. That would help you bunches.
Side note: I’d be interested in the face-melting gun and I know exactly what current Browns head-coach I’d test it on…
I like this idea. Let me think of an apropos quote. You do the same and we can share our amazing ideas tomorrow morning in the While We’re Waiting thread.
I like that idea, but again, where are the points going to come from? If we lose games 3-10, and our defense dominates…then, what’s the use?
We desperately need offensive weapons.
Haha, yeah.
I’d take the under on 5 wins, you take the over on 6. How’s that?
Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Get, get, a a a brain? Bububbut I emoticoned it to show that it was a friendly empathatic expression of fear that the Browns are going to screw this up.
I emoted darn it I emoted! Well that’s okay, I’ll have the boys whip the facemelt ray gun up for you anyway.
that works for me.
[Pushes glasses up on nose, nerd-style]
Technically, porter is a type of ale.
“Ale or lager?” would be a better-phrased question.
Now, I think I’ll go home and have one of each.
if the defense actually causes TOs becuase it’s getting to the QB, then we might score more points
“I emoted darn it I emoted”
you might want to have that checked out
Well that’s dumb. Boo, NFL. Boo.
Well when ori refused the laxatives I took them and…
I hope these cages are at least in the shape of bowling pins, otherwise that’s just ridiculous 🙂
lordy, can’t cruise this cultural alley with you, you don’t know who/what you’re dealing with. Must try to work while monitoring draft news. Please, step out of the 3-toed redsuit and drop the pitchfork.
not before the 1st round is over. PCE made the deal and he’s down there now trying to turn the thermostat’s down enough to freeze things. don’t ruin things for us when we’re so close Harv.
I can’t help but think that, if only the Browns had won the RG3 auction, not only would we not have gone through the past two months playing the “Richardson, Blackmon, or Tannehill” game, but we wouldn’t have to go through this for the next two years, either.
[so … close …wait, is that a hologram of Noll at his ’74 draft greaseboard?]
Tragically no although we do have something in a pasty that might intrigue you, unfortunatley the 6 inch stiletto bowling shoes cost a lot more than we imagined, along with the absurd amount of lane oil we ended up with.
If the Browns trade down at all from four I am going to be po’d (just like to keep up the spirit of keeping these things on topic)
proving once again that anything can be Simpsons quoted :0
I am excited this year for the simple reason that I know there should be some drastic improvements on the team moving forward for the next 5 years or so. I hope we keep thinking of trading down to accumulate players because it’s obvious that Cleveland is not 1 player away from being a great team. We all should show some patience and not put pressure on these guys if we trade down to accumulate picks because it is not a given that superstars are picks 1-5. The top 50 players or so have a lot of great players and I am hoping we trade down to get as many picks as we can in this area to maximize our chances to get production out of positions. One thing that we all are in agreement with is that it’s pretty obvious that I have the most knowledge and ability to sense talent out of anyone on this site so I will let you know how we do after the draft. Just kidding pork chop you don’t have to ask me if hayward is in this years draft. Good luck Cleveland and I hope this is a draft we look back on to show when we turned the corner.
I hope we don’t swing for the fences Savage style. Solid picks will do just fine. This draft could add to the foundation in a major way, with an arrow pointing behind center with the caption, ‘Insert QB here for a playoff run’.
Final prediction;
1 Trich RB (I’d rather have Claiborne or even Blackmon, but this could work if they limit his use early on. Otherwise Shurmer will destroy this kid to save his job)
1a Rieff RT (Longshot, but he could fall due to short arms and teams viewing him as a RT)
2 C. Hayward CB (We might take a DB with one of the first three picks.)
3 Sanu WR (Should be good value for WR’s here or in the late 2nd if we trade up)
There will be some decent/upside players left after that at LB, DL, WR (if we double dip), G etc, but I have no idea who we’ll actually take.
With the first pick in the 2013 draft, the Cleveland Browns select…
Just kidding… sort of
pasties? noone is going to gutter ballz to see pasties, I can tell you that.
and to think I was thinking of celebrating the Browns 2013 superbowl there.
yes, why yes it is. a failure by me.