August 26, 2014

Counting Down the Worst Cleveland Browns Christmas Gifts – #7

When you live in a world with Amazon.com and professional sports, you just know that you’re going to end up with some really bad team branded products. Those products get searched out this time of year as potential presents for giant sports fans, no matter how ludicrous. In fact sometimes the more inane they are, the more likely they’re chosen as gifts. With that in mind, I decided to identify these gifts and open them up for commentary by WFNY writers and alumni.

Without further ado, I bring you the next in this series… “Browns Fuzzy Dice.”

Browns Dice

Craig: It used to be a prize from a crane game in a local restaurant or truck stop, but now you can have rear-view mirror fuzzy dice emblazoned with the Cleveland Browns logo! The Wikipedia page on “fuzzy dice” (Yep. There is one.) says that these plush, pane pillows might have originated from World War II pilots who carried dice in planes for luck wanting to bring the practice home and into their cars. It also says that hanging any object from your rear-view mirror is illegal in the state of Minnesota. Not in Ohio though, baby!

I just tagged a sentence with “baby!” I even hate myself right now.

Denny: Got to roll me (Keep on rolling) /repeat for decades

Kirk: Browns dice: where every roll is snake eyes!

Scott: Doubles as a noose in the event Brandon Weeden is seen warming up on the sidelines.

DP: Browns dice: you’re supposed to throw then under handed.

Kirk: I laughed so hard at the last Weeden joke of yours DP about the steak being intercepted by another table and the waiter underhanding it that I had a coworker ask me if I was okay.

DP: I’m totally going to continue beating that joke to death, just so you all know.

Denny: You’ve got about two left in the tank, by my estimation.

DP: As if I would stop once it’s actually dead…

———————-

Fuzzy dice. I know someone has to have gotten this for a present due to the fact that they’re a Browns fan. Ugh.

  • http://twitter.com/bbo13 B-bo

    These things as a Christmas gift? No dice.

  • maxfnmloans

    Since they are Browns dice they are not a choking hazard for children seeing as how they wouldn’t be able to finish the job. A fuzzy, plush and adorable addition to any crib!

  • mgbode

    between Craig ending a sentence with “baby” and the gift itself, this thread is begging for a Dice-Clay joke, but they aren’t exactly family friendly :)

  • LaundroMat

    Isn’t not being able to finish the job, in fact, choking?

  • Natedawg86

    Are they flamable? Could be interesting at a tailgate.

  • maxfnmloans

    Hickory dickory dock…no that’s not good
    Little Bo peep…nope that’s not gonna work
    Little boy blue…hey! Found one that’ll make it past the censors

  • maxfnmloans

    Yes.. on second thought the better joke would have censored on the Browns doing all the choking…mea culpa

  • mgbode

    little boy blew
    always throwing picks
    his name was weeden
    with underhanded tricks
    but at least he isn’t morally bankrupt big ben

    Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

  • MrCleaveland

    Those are awesome! I want some!

    (I think you guys may have over-rated the taste of your audience.)

  • northborderandy

    I’ve never seen these before, but I sadly received a pair of Cleveland Indians fuzzy dice as an Xmas gift a couple years back. Got a bad feeling I’ll be seeing these in about two weeks.

  • Kildawg

    I think you finally figured out how to rank “Bad” gifts in proper order. There has to be some reason why fuzzy dice fell to #7, since they look like a Top 3 lock.