Browns’ Campbell and Weeden still not cleared to practice
December 4, 2013Jeff Saturday files suit against city of Cleveland over income taxes
December 4, 2013When you live in a world with Amazon.com and professional sports, you just know that you’re going to end up with some really bad team branded products. Those products get searched out this time of year as potential presents for giant sports fans, no matter how ludicrous. In fact sometimes the more inane they are, the more likely they’re chosen as gifts. With that in mind, I decided to identify these gifts and open them up for commentary by WFNY writers and alumni.
Without further ado, I bring you the second of this series… “Browns chef gear.”
Craig: The first worst item was a helmet cake pan. Now, what better way to make a Cleveland Browns helmet cake than to get all dressed up in some Cleveland Browns chef gear?
Let’s pull this down to the level of straight pragmatism. You can honestly make the case for an apron at home. I do all the cooking in my house and I never ever wear an apron, but I’ve certainly spilled enough in my home cullinary career that wearing an apron wouldn’t be the dumbest idea in the history of the world.
The hat though?
The hat makes sense in a restaurant where reputation is riding on every plate leaving the kitchen in pristine condition without any follicle prison breaks. At home? I almost HOPE my wife gets a hair in her food. My reputation as chef isn’t anywhere close to important enough to justify looking this silly while making a meatloaf or some stir fry for the family.
Jacob: … Yeah, I definitely bought a slightly different white Browns chef’s coat for my brother’s birthday off Groupon. I’m that guy.
Scott: Man, Terrell Owens must really, really need money.
DP: The Cleveland Browns: Cookin’ Up S***tiness
Or S***tyness. Spelling?
Craig: How quickly DP forgets that we won’t publish that word on the site… lol
DP: No, I knew it wouldn’t get published. It was just the first thing that popped into my brain.
How about this:
The Cleveland Browns: Cookin’ Up Failure
Scott: Motion to request exemption based on actual copious amounts of s***tyness.
DP: Permission to name my next fantasy team “Copious Amounts of S***tyness”?
Scott: Won’t fit in a Yahoo! league due to the whole communist character-limit nonsense, but permission granted.
Denny: For the aspiring chef who, despite their best efforts, cannot actually cook, and who tends during dinner party dish-cleaning postmortems to mutter ‘it’s a process’ over and over to themselves.
Kirk: Trent Richardson, you have been CHOPPED!
Nothing says “eat here” like a Browns chef outfit. Sure, the food is consistently bad, and they’ve had 20 different head waiters and operated under 5 different head chefs in the last 15 years, but the tablecloths and silverware were from a great era for the restaurant.
DP: And it still takes six weeks to get a reservation while the two decent restaurants down the street can’t keep their dining room filled…
Denny: And for some reason they keep serving up prison food so that we get ‘acclimated to it just like Jimmy’
DP: But, man, back in the 50’s they cooked a steak to die for..
Kirk: If the restaurant this guy worked for was listed on Yelp, you’d have reviews like…
“Waiter was rude, filthy conditions, and I threw up blood after due to food poisoning… I’ll be back next Sunday!”
DP: “Waiter delivered my steak underhanded, and it was intercepted by a guy at another table…”
Denny: I brought up my complaints to the manager and he told me not so kindly to go eat elsewhere
DP: Did he tell you to go to Buffalo Wild Wings?
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So, go ahead and have at it. Two down and eight to go…
Merry Christmas!
16 Comments
Chefs’ hats are never a good idea. But I would run that apron. I’ve learned to enjoy wearing an apron this year while barbecuing, grilling, really any cooking I do now. I think its the whole wiping-off my hands onto my belly thing.
So, what I’m getting is that WFNY hates all things related to cooking. When does the WFNY All Raw Cafe open up? You’re, obviously, pushing towards that unveiling at the end of this list.
Failing to see how the apron (and even the hat) is worse than the cake pan that Weeden underhand flipped, causing Little to drop it.
Just smile and nod politely as #s 8-2 get posted…
that apron sure would be helpful for those days where Im cooking bacon nude. Grease spatters are dangerous
What are you guys talking about? I just bought one of those for my wife’s Christmas present. I thought it was beautiful. It’s even better than the mosquito-repellent bracelet I got her last year. You guys ain’t got no taste.
I remember one year my Father got my Mother a new set of pots and pans for Christmas. She said it was “like giving a prisoner a hammer”.
I most certainly like things related to cooking. I don’t understand why humans would ever think that BROWNS branded food preparation items are a good idea.
These posts are great. Though I would appreciate a link to purchase each item. I am firmly in the “wear an apron while cooking” camp.
I work late, and am responsible for cooking at least one night a week. I put on my Bellevue Meats apron when I get home from work so that I don’t have to change out of my work clothes before cooking. Saves time and mess when I’m already hungry after a long day.
i heard in California being a Browns fan was one of the conditions that allowed for some medicinal herbs that get used in certain food items.
“Man, the head gear started off as a fez, it was tight. Then they made me add slips of paper with the name of every starting QB since ’99. Now the sh*% is weak.”
I actually didn’t think the apron was terrible – you can wipe your dirty hands on it. The chef hat you can rip off and stomp on at will.
They must be skinny vegans. That explains why they don’t like BBQ equipment, although grilled veggies are tasty
Probably a bad time to mention I own a Browns apron and wore it on Thanksgiving…
I bought this set as a gift for my uncle, who loves to barbecue. But every time I ask him to bring the finished meal to the table, he says to wait just a little longer–it’ll be worth it. Heck, he says it’ll actually taste even better because of the waiting. Fifteen years later, still waiting…
This guy gets it.