Here’s to an embarrassing exit for The School Up North

Ohio State and Michigan. They call it “The Game.” It’s a name that lends the matchup the gravitas it deserves, but it’s not a catchy title that can rival the likes of “The Backyard Brawl” (Pitt vs. West Virginia), “The Red River Rivalry” (Texas vs. Oklahoma), “Bedlam” (Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma State), “The Holy War” (BYU vs. Utah), “The Civil War” (Oregon vs. Oregon State), or “Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate” (Georgia vs. Georgia Tech).¹

Some rivalry games award a trophy to the victors. The best two of these are surely the Fremont Cannon (a 545-pound replica howitzer that goes to the winner of UNLV vs. Nevada-Reno) and Paul Bunyan’s Axe, the giant lumberjack-sized trophy for the winner of the annual game between Minnesota and Wisconsin.² Ohio State has their own trophy rivalry with Illinois. The winner of that game claims the Illibuck Trophy. The winner of “The Game” claims nothing beyond pride, bragging rights, and (often) a Big Ten title or Rose Bowl berth. What is even more significant is what the loser of the annual rivalry must take home: a year’s worth of shame and disappointment.

In spite of the unimaginative name and the lack of a trophy, Ohio State-Michigan has the quirky rivalry bona fides to make any other game jealous.³ You know about the iconic (and recently restricted) Mirror Lake Jump on the Tuesday (previously Thursday) night before the Michigan game. Many Ohio State students split the task of taping over every letter “M” on campus signs during Michigan Week. Woody Hayes began the use of phrases like “that team up north” to avoid ever needing to utter Michigan’s name. Most fans are old enough to remember Jim Tressel’s 2001 introductory press conference in which he famously stated, “I can assure you that you will be proud of our young people, in the classroom, in the community, and most especially in 310 days in Ann Arbor, Michigan on the football field,” and then backed it up by beating TTUN in nine of his ten seasons at the helm (including the vacated 2010 victory). In the last few years, Buckeyes fans have had to listen to Michigan coach Brady Hoke’s petty Hayes impression where he refuses to refer to OSU as anything but “Ohio.”

[Related: Ohio State doesn’t need Michigan’s talent]

Speaking of Hoke, the Buckeyes can ensure that Saturday will be his final game at the Michigan helm by handing the Wolverines their seventh loss of the season and leaving them ineligible for postseason play for the first time since 2009. Hoke, who began his career with a sparkling 11-2 2011 season that included a Sugar Bowl victory and a win over the Buckeyes, is just 20-17 in the almost three seasons since, making his departure at the end of this season a foregone, if still unannounced, conclusion. Some have bemoaned Michigan’s recent futility under Hoke and Rich Rodriguez before him and hoped for the Wolverines to return to the top of the college football landscape to help “restore the rivalry,” some Ohio State students made clear that they want no such thing.

Regardless of your position on the issue, a struggling Michigan is a welcome sight for a Buckeyes team needing to win with their final regular season game with authority to bolster their chances of earning a spot in the College Football Playoff. When the latest rankings were released Tuesday night and Ohio State remained at number six behind Alabama, Oregon, Florida State, Mississippi State, and TCU, Kirk Herbstreit said as much, noting that the Buckeyes need to take care of business and bank some of the mythical “style points” that the CFP Committee likes to see in their rivalry game against Michigan.

The traditional maxims about Ohio State-Michigan (and most rivalry games in general) are that you can throw the records out when bitter rivals meet and that any win against your ancient nemesis will do. This year, the Buckeyes don’t have the luxury of falling back on those clichés. Urban Meyer and his players know that a repeat of last year’s one-point escape as a heavy favorite against Michigan won’t erase the committee’s memory of their ugly home loss against Virginia Tech. To have any hope of jumping into the top four of the rankings, Ohio State must give Brady Hoke and this Michigan season the embarrassing finale they deserve.

1. “Farmageddon,” a nickname for the Iowa State-Kansas State rivalry, is probably the best rivalry title in the country, but the name only came about in 2009 and is not well-known or widely used. [↩]
2. That game will mean something for the first time in a long time, as the victor will claim the Big Ten West title and face the Buckeyes in Indianapolis for the Big Ten Championship. [↩]
3. For a better explanation of The Game’s significance than I can provide, read this history by Ramzy Nasrallah of 11 Warriors, one of the best writers covering the Buckeyes on the web and someone you should definitely be following on Twitter (@ramzy). [↩]