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April 1, 2015Governor of Brohio facing recall amid race fixing allegations
April 1, 2015Browns head coach Mike Pettine is recovering well after successful surgery to remove a staph infection from his head. It was a scary week for the Browns given the franchise’s history of players contracting staph. LeCharles Bentley, Joe Jurevicius, and Braylon Edwards are among the players who contracted it while recovering from injuries as members of the Browns.
Pettine reportedly contracted his staph infection after a head-shaving incident in the wee hours after an all-nighter in the office.
“I patched up the cut,” said Pettine, “but then I started to run a nasty fever and went to the hospital.
“Browns fans have wanted their coaches to have their heads examined for years, but this is ridiculous.”
Browns fans have wanted their coaches to have their heads examined for years, but this is ridiculous.
Browns fans have wanted their coaches to have their heads examined for years, but this is ridiculous.
It wasn’t good news for a Browns organization that is desperately trying to shake any connection to the past organizational troubles. In recent years they have renovated FirstEnergy Stadium and introduced a new shade of orange for the team’s signature non-logo helmet.
Yet for some, the news of Pettine’s staph infection is an all-too-familiar reminder of the interesting and original depths the Browns have fallen to since 1999. In the end, the prognosis for Pettine is good.
“If I’ve learned one thing in my time here, it’s that it could have been much worse,” said Pettine.
“When I called Ray Farmer to tell him about my staph infection, he thought I mean ‘staff infection,” Pettine quipped. “Ray thought that we were going to have to look for another offensive coordinator.”
Pettine paused and stroked his goatee.
“You know, maybe that isn’t such a bad idea. Excuse me, I’ve gotta make some calls.”
12 Comments
Guys, these are getting pretty distracting and take away from the site. If you have to be so blatant in your April Fool’s gags, it misses the point. It’s also worth noting that a few of these have been in poor taste. I think you can do better.
Agree. Joking about sweater vests is going TOO FAR.
Come on. It’s one day. They’re having fun. Have fun along with them. If you can’t, don’t spend your time here today. Come back tomorrow when you can get your fill of Spring Training stats and Browns Hot Takes Projections.
I don’t think joking about dog fighting or an infection that has ended people’s careers is very funny.
I also don’t think harmless jokes that aren’t funny are funny either, so they’ve got pretty much everything covered.
You did catch that the dogfighting joke was about mascots, right? People in furry costumes?
I’ve had a staph infection that put me in the hospital, and I still think this is hilarious. Sorry you don’t like it, but dem’s the breaks (no pun intended toward broken bones, people with funny accents, or democrats).
Good rationale. If you don’t think something’s offensive, anyone that does should just deal with it.
If I’m offended by something written by people I usually respect, regardless of what it’s “about”–you know it doesn’t have to be “about” something to cause offense, right?–I can leave a comment for their consideration. I don’t read this site for jokes, good or bad, and these jokes are equal parts bad, in poor taste, and distracting. That’s a comment for the site, not the masses, and they can take it for what it’s worth.
It’s also a comment that is, perhaps, better kept to one’s self. I’m certainly offended by it – but just because I’m overly sensitive doesn’t make what subjectively offends me objectively offensive. And as with harmless offense, distraction is not the problem of the distractor but the distractee. I’d say, yes, in this instance, deal with it. If you’re offended by obviously harmless jokes or distracted by what you find to be unfunny, go to a dark, quiet place where you can be focused and humorless.
It was just suggested on the internet that a comment was best kept to oneself, and with that, the best April Fools joke of them all, I will provide you relief from my most offensive of opinions, go deal with it, and stop providing feedback to the site.
Deal. You win! (FWIW, there’s an avenue for you to provide feedback, apart from comments. The guys that run the site are friendly and responsive to those suggestions, however dumb they might be.)
“I don’t read this site for jokes”
If you’re reading this site and it’s heavily Browns centric articles.. you came here for the jokes…. well, joke. The Browns.
Get it?
Oh also, there is no God and gays should totally have the legal right to marry in every state.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRPKuRwtM0E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6cxNR9ML8k
It ain’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Thanks for reading.