2015 Browns Position Previews: Outside Linebackers
July 17, 2015What really happened with LeBron James in the 2010 NBA Playoffs?
July 17, 2015This NBA offseason has gone on long enough. We’ve all wasted far too much air speaking, too many words writing, and too many brain cells thinking about the trivial stuff. LeBron wrote his name on a paper — big deal. Kevin Love took a community college writing class — whoopty-doo. Delly and Tristan want more money — bleh, don’t we all? Somehow we’ve all gotten sucked into a weird groupthink vortex and we believe that these are the things that matter. They do, in a way, but there are more important matters that matter more, and those are the things we really need to focus on.
We need to talk about Iman Shumpert’s hair, gang.
When we met Iman Asante Shumpert in earnest about six months ago, there were a great many things to like. He was a young, athletic wing with a mind for defense, the sort who could fill in the gaps between Kyrie Irving and LeBron James. He wasn’t a great shooter, but he could grow into one, and he would throw down some wicked dunks, too.
But beyond the play and the potential, there was something magnetic about Shump. He arrived in Cleveland with a ready, winning smile and a palpable enthusiasm. He always looked like a young man very aware that he was living a dream by playing in the NBA. His personality really shone when the Cavs’ Finals run attracted the likes of Good Morning America, apparently a favorite in the Shumpert household.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_afJVjqHhA
I just adore the kid. I can’t get enough of him.
Like all the greats, Shump was* largely defined by an omnipresent symbol. Michael Jordan has his bald head, Horace Grant had his goggles, early-period Larry Bird had his mustache, and mid-period Larry Bird had his mustache and a delightful mullet. And Shump had* his hi-top fade. It was* tall, proud, and true. It was* a beacon of hope, a sigil indicating that any time in a Cavs game could turn into party time. It was* a throwback to a bygone era, a time when new jack swing was the music of the day and Kid ‘N Play’s kick step was the dance of a generation. It was evocative of a specific time, and yet it was timeless.
You noticed those asterisks in that last paragraph? They’re there to shine extra light on the past tense, which I shuddered to use. You see, Iman Shumpert’s hi-top fade has apparently gone away. He has shifted gears and sped off in a wholly different direction, going with dreadlocks that he occasionally bunches up into a sort of samurai bun thing. The new look has been all over his Instagram account: on a rooftop, at a basketball camp, signing his contract, and most recently, on the ESPYs red carpet.
Take a look for yourself:
It’s…it’s different. Look, I can’t really talk. I’ve had maybe two different haircuts in my whole life, three if you include that time when I went for a middle part on picture day circa 1995 and ended up getting blinded by the flash and having my eyes open way too wide and my mouth open way too wide showing off my way too wide Michael Strahan teeth while wearing an awful tan shirt. I generally keep that one to myself. So I’m no authority on hairstyle matters, afro-textured least of all.
If he likes the new look, great. If his girl likes it, even better. But man, it just ain’t working for me, especially in comparison to its predecessor. The hi-top was like a great plateau, rising with majesty above the terrain of his scalp. The bunned-up dreads are like a bunch of World War Z zombies racing to reach the top of his dome. He went from Kid in Class Act to Play in Class Act in the blink of an eye. Where there had been stature and symmetry, there is now lumpy chaos.
I’m not telling Shump how to live his life or anything. I get it — it’s natural to want to change things up every once in a while. But it’s also natural to use your eyes to see what looks good and what looks less good.
Luckily, good news has come down the pike: the hi-top is coming back. Shumpert said on the ESPY Awards red carpet Wednesday night that he’ll be wearing the old look once basketball season kicks off again, and he said so with certainty. The dreads are just so he doesn’t have to comb his hair during the summer.
I take it all back. My potshots were unwarranted, and I apologize. Shump didn’t change his hair as some sort of misguided fashion statement. He did it as a pragmatist. It gets hot in the summer. Your hair gets sweaty and gross, and you have to devote that much more time to keeping it from getting unruly. All he’s done in changing his hairstyle is save himself a little time — time, one would think, that can be devoted to basketball. Here I thought he was being silly, and he was making an undeniably career-driven move.
I respect Iman Shumpert so much. He can do whatever he wants with his hair.
(Also, Shump is a big Game of Thrones fan. If you don’t want anything from the show spoiled, don’t watch more than 10 seconds of this video)
6 Comments
Ok…Shump is now officially my favorite Cav.
I’ve always kind of assumed that the hi-top is to limit the vision of people he’s defending a little more. For an opposing G, facing a 6’5 guy is one thing; facing a guy whose hair makes him 6’9 is another and limits their vision to pass the ball.
I wish I had that much hair to change!
I so wanted to see him and Norris Cole in the backcourt together.
Take every advantage possible
Far be it from me to tell another person how to style themselves, but without the hi-top he is much less distinguishable.