Introducing…WFNY on WWE: Previewing Night of Champions
September 16, 2015Ball Played: Lindor, Indians laugh in the face of adversity
September 17, 2015Welcome to Thursday, Blawg Pound, the second best day of the work week. Granted, it’s only the second best day of the work week — aka the “non-weekend” for the less career-shackled among us — by virtue of its proximity to the best day of the non-weekend, Friday. Friday (also in the running for best day of the week) is the best day of the work week by default because it’s both weekend adjacent and pre-weekend, which means a mere matter of hours separate the economically-indentured from oodles of football, family time, Netflix, casual substance abuse, relaxation, and whatever active or sedentary activities you’re into. Friday stands in stark contrast to its weekday cousin Monday, which is also next to the weekend (not to be confused with the Weeknd) but is post-weekend and, as we call all agree, a total dick, as far as days of the week go anyway.
My point is that Thursday is a good day, and is furthermore unburdened by the heavy expectations of awesomeness imposed on Saturday and Sunday. There’s not a lot of pressure on Thursday — one could argue that Thursday has the most chill of all the days. So, you know, let’s sit back, relax, and make the most of what will hopefully be a simpatico Thursday for all parties involved.
Though the Indians are fighting their rears are off and are one miracle away from landing a Wild Card sport, no one in Cleveland sports won a championship this week. But while we’re waiting… .
The sandwich debate has finally come full circle for me. A few weeks ago, Dr. M. Ritchey wrote a delicious piece on Medium1 titled “Is This a Sandwich?: Teaching the Platonic Dialogues through sandwiches.”
We’ve all been trolled or polled at some point with the divisive question, “Is a hot dog a sandwich?” The Indians weighed in on the matter a few weeks ago,2 as did the sentient WFNY Twitter account,3 and even Cleveland Cavaliers guard/subject of romantic fan fiction Matthew Dellavedova.4
Dr. Ritchey’s article wasn’t interesting because it made a compelling argument in favor of classifying a length of pig entrails on a bun with mustard a sandwich, but because of how effectively it undermined what I thought I knew about sandwiches, seriously disrupting my reality in the process.
If a hot dog is not a sandwich, then surely someone can define with certainty what a sandwich is, right? Well, it’s harder than you would anticipate. Dr. Ritchey used the conundrum to explain the Platonic dialogues, the rhetoric of argument, and the possibly futile pursuit of truth. She described how her students coped with an exercise requiring them to pair up and come up with as clear and literal a definition for a “sandwich” as possible that was also in line with shared mental understanding.
After ten minutes, I ask one group to read its definition aloud, and I write it on the board. It’s usually something like: “any edible material in between two other quantities of edible material.” Then I say, “does anyone have a problem with this definition?” And from there things immediately devolve into a screaming match … . Many fruitful tangents are explored, such as the differing degrees of sandwichness of hot dog vs. hamburger; hand placement and orientation; “stacks” vs. “patties”; and of course the classic “what is bread” maneuver, which usually allows me to confidently say that lasagna must be a sandwich, which infuriates them. …
At some point one student will protest that it’s a pointless exercise because no definition of sandwich can ever fully encompass all possible sandwiches while excluding all non-sandwiches. This is the perfect segue into the conclusion of the exercise, where we talk about what conceivable value there could be in such a pointless debate. …
If we can’t even define “sandwich,” how can we possibly presume to define “truth,” or “justice,” or “freedom”?
What does Cleveland sports have to do with any of this sandwich talk? Well, a few weeks ago I sought to rename the Browns quarterback position using a similar thought experiment about hamburgers to argue that what’s been occurring in Browns backfields for the last 16 years cannot possibly qualify as quarterbacking as it applies to Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers. Then on Tuesday, Will implored us to embrace the absurdity of the Cleveland Browns as performance art, and reevaluate how we watch the Browns.
And these arguments demonstrate why it’s such a special time to be not only a Browns fan, but a Cleveland sports fan. We’re uniquely tortured in a special, tragicomic way. The Browns haven’t been merely bad over the last 16 seasons, they’ve been the most consistently sucky team in the whole NFL!5 No one has sucked more spectacularly and with more of a dramatic flourish than the Browns. The Browns are not losers … they’re avant-garde! Visionaries! The Browns are on the cutting edge of suck!
And I, like Will, appreciate that. Sure, there are other bad franchises out there — take your pick. But only being a Cleveland fan and a Browns fan challenges you philosophically — dares you to ask questions like: If a bowling ball on bread isn’t a sandwich, then is Derek Anderson a quarterback? Do the Browns qualify as entertainment in the traditional sense, and should that impact how I watch them? Is a team that drafted Brandon Weeden even a team at all? Should I be upset by this loss, or inspired by its artistry? If a suspended general manager sends a text, does anyone read it? Is there a God? What came before the Big Bang? Why the hell would you not trade for Brandon Marshall?
Only Cleveland sports can inspire such unanswerable existential questions. In those questions one may discover inner peace or total consciousness, but mostly a lot of broken TV remotes. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go eat a taco sandwich.
Your random Calvin and Hobbes strip of the day. I love summer most, but (early) fall is a close second. Consider it the Thursday of seasons.
And now for the random 90s song of the day: Sheryl Crow’s “All I Wanna Do.” Any relation to be derived from the song for Clevelanders is already a little too on the nose to bother pointing out. This song’s survived the test of time surprisingly well; in that it’s not as annoying as most 90s pop songs. (The video and Crow’s Aniston-knockoff haircut? Not as much.) The lyrics are effectively descriptive for a song that’s completely literal without anything metaphorical to speak of.
Hit it!
This ain’t no disco
It ain’t no country club either
This is [Cleve-land]!
“All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,”
Says the man next to me out of nowhere
It’s apropos
Of nothing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAEpLMTjCC8
- It just recently came to my attention, so forgive me Internet if you read it and are already “over it.” [↩]
- Their Twitter account did, anyway. Though I would pay more than the cost of a Floyd Mayweather Pay-Per-View to watch Terry Francona, Chris Antonetti, and Trevor Bauer argue the question. [↩]
- There was NOT a vote among the staff. [↩]
- All three said a hot dog was not a sandwich, for those concerned. [↩]
- Take that, Raiders! [↩]
76 Comments
Plus it’s http://www.lovethispic.com/uploaded_images/119178-Humpday-Camel.jpg?2
Too busy.
climate change is real well unless you are a politician!
Don’t listen to Mr. Metamucil they are not sandwiches.
Hard Taco Supreme for me!!!
I just read a Taco Bell in Chicago (I believe) will be serving alcohol. Not sure what kind.
http://www.tvweek.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/sons-of-anarchy-logo.jpg
Everything hand rolled is sublime!
My boss at the time was stuck in the famous Atlanta 24 hour traffic jam. He was one of the ones who left the rental car on the freeway and told Avis if they wanted it they could find it.
Meanwhile the snow on the road of the pic looks to be about your average daily November commute here in Ohio.
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/140129222653-26-weather-0129—restricted-horizontal-large-gallery.jpg
Just as well as the rest of “those people.”
He was live Tweeting it!
I’d argue the greatest things to come out of America’s devolution to a completely risk adverse society is preemptively shutting down entire cities because of possible bad weather.
Sort of related to days off and bad weather – what’s the best unexpected reason to be given a day off of work? Blackout has been a somewhat reliable one for me, but my favorite has to be bomb threat.
Double Down KFC?
Not just snow, even rain some places. A few years ago I was in Austin in October accompanying someone to a series of doc appointments. It was drizzling a little off and on, temp in upper 50s. She said “Watch, everyone will be going on and on about the weather.” And in every waiting room strangers are bonding over the danger, all like “Isn’t this horrible” When will it stop? It’s freezing!” And I’m like, it’s October kiddies. It’s not even raining enough to use the windshield wipers.
The Weather Channel has become the Sky Is Falling Run For The Hills Network.
Pathetic.
But, it is now owned by NBC, so that explains a lot.
The correct foodie word is “deconstructed”.
Get with it, man.
It’s funny listening to my friends trying to convince me how horrible it was, even though they know where I grew up. lol
They get so worked up when they get no sympathy.
Just found these in the new orange!
Hope you don’t plan on flipping it upside down and cutting out eye-holes. Those fans are the worst (I’m going to the game, but I’m protesting that I’m going to the game).
As a current resident of Atlanta and former Clevelander I too have a story about the “great snow”. It wasn’t the fact that it snowed, it was the fact that the city was so ill prepared for said snow. They don’t salt the roads, they use sand or some combination. Plus they had very little snowplows for the entire area. As it got colder and the roads iced over they didn’t have any salt to melt it with. It literally crippled the city for a few days. Mind you, when all of this was happening I was in Minneapolis for work. My coworkers there asked me how i would drive in the snow and I just chuckled and said I’m from Ohio….no issues here.
What else would you do with them? lol
This.
https://scontent-mia1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xta1/v/t1.0-9/11813399_10153070299703513_2618822275500394429_n.jpg?oh=c5aac73f7b5552e59ec518698d630b11&oe=5661D0F7
Wine
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48
Johnny called..said you dont know shit..so sit back and watch me beat that titan ass