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September 16, 2015The Cleveland Browns opened the 2015 season on Sunday with a 31-10 debacle on the road to the New York Jets. Even with a pair of high-powered binoculars, a magnifying glass, and an electron microscope, it was unlikely anyone would discover any evidence of a winning football team. The Browns lacked hope, pride, and apparent interest on Sunday. Also notably absent was general manager Ray Farmer, who began a four-week suspension for texting the sidelines during games in the 2014 season, a violation of the NFL’s electronic device policy.
The suspension forbids general manager Farmer from not only attending games, but also interacting with the coaches and visiting the team’s practice facilities in Berea — the result of a total misunderstanding of the concept of “punishment.” Farmer has since made comments taking ownership of his actions and accepting his suspension. Whether Farmer takes similar responsibility for the team he assembled remains to be seen.
Due to Farmer’s bizarro-world anti-punishment,1 no insights will be gleaned from Farmer on the podium this week, where he would undoubtedly be pestered by a Cleveland media sick with concern over their Browns. But due to to a rare and fortunate (for us fans, and in this solitary instance) gift exclusively bestowed upon Cleveland Browns employees, Farmer immediately forgot the mistakes leading to his predicament, and continued his frivolous and compulsive texting during Browns loss to the Jets on Sunday. Waiting for Next Year obtained Farmer’s texts from various sources,2 and is sharing them with you now not out of journalistic integrity or the desire to get Farmer suspended for the rest of the season,3 but for your personal amusement.
Farmer’s texts reveal a feckless goofball not unlike your roommate in college who would eat Cheez Whiz straight out of the can, a man that stands in stark contrast to his stern and bookish public persona. Some would say this provides profound insight into our dual natures: that of the public representative we present to the public and that of our truer, more authentic selves which leaks out in personal interactions. Others may say the texts more accurately reflect the thoughts and feelings of the blog contributor who made them up and not Ray Farmer. I’d say it’s open to interpretation.
Sunday, 12:45 p.m. ET, the Cleveland Browns are set to kick off to the New York Jets in less than thirty minutes.
After kicking off to start the game, the Browns force a Jets punt after they convert one first down.
The Browns offense is surprisingly effective on the first drive, converting multiple (!) third downs, and moving the ball into the red zone. In the midst of a 19-play drive, Ray Farmer decides to mock former Browns offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan. The drive ends with zero points when quarterback Josh McCown fumbles the ball helicopter-ing into the end zone.
Josh McCown leaves the game with an apparent concussion after fumbling on his dive toward the end zone. Johnny Manziel enters the game and throws a touchdown pass to Travis Benjamin on the first drive, the first of his career. The Browns kick a 45-yard extra point after a penalty on the first two attempts. Former Browns general manager Tom Heckert takes the opportunity to gloat, having been responsible for the Browns drafting Travis Benjamin the 2012 draft.
The Browns enter halftime trailing the Jets 14-10. Farmer takes the break in the action to text his wife Vernet.
The second half of the Browns game rapidly devolved into bad comedy. The offense was ineffective and turnover-prone, Manziel was unable to make rapid decisions or stay in the pocket, the running game was nonexistent, and the defense permitted Ryan Fitzpatrick to move the ball at will. Ray Farmer’s texts manifest his frustration and disgust with the team he had worked so hard to put together.
Waiting For Next Year may have more texts from Ray Farmer from this Sunday’s Browns opener against the Tennessee Titans, perhaps of a more positive tenor. That will depend on the Browns quality of play, and whether the author of this post buys lunch at Lola for a certain employee at a certain nondescript telecom building in downtown Cleveland that is definitely not a repository for information collected as part of a government surveillance dragnet.
But in any event, many Browns fans will be in attendance on Sunday in what is sure to be another uplifting performance while Ray Farmer will be at home or golfing.
25 Comments
Hahaha. I liked it, Kyle. And honestly I could really go for some orange soda and chili cheese Fritos about now.
Great stuff! Hope this becomes a regular feature.
I guffawed pretty hard at the “make sure Flip is getting my texts” line.
My favorite is the random Johnny text he sent his mom.
yes, humor. Humor is the only way to deal with this, this … voyage of the damned that slowly floats past us for 3 hours each Sunday. Keep chortling and Cavs season will be here before we have a chance to get excited about the inevitable wins caused by opponents watching our game tape and totally letting down.
What I’m wondering about today: what college QB would the Browns not screw up? Whisenhut has apparently installed a Mariota-friendly ecosystem with quick reads, playing to his IQ. Meanwhile, Holms and Shurmur made Weedon operate a wco with very little going vertical. To have any chance of being legit at this level a guy like Manziel clearly needs a boutique system tailored to his height and improv act, but Pettine says they’re not changing a thing when Johnny comes in. Sure maybe Weeds and Johnny are flops anywhere, but wonder just how good must a QB must be to develop in a place where coaches, systems and personnel morph like the inside of a lava lamp.
hey, at least Bridgewater looked like garbage this week.
http://research.fuseink.com/artifactimg/201404/thumb300_MTM5ODMyODQwMzE2Mzc3XzE.gif
Louisville hates Cleveland
(said due to both Bridgewater and DeVante Parker having negative comments about any thought of getting drafted by the Browns the past 2 drafts)
McCown is the same type of QB as Johnny. Both like to scramble around in the pocket and usually leave a bit earlier than they should. Both keep their eyes downfield and sometimes throw the ball into bad spots.
As long as Johnny learned the playbook this year (as all reports say that he has), then they shouldn’t change anything (in fact, that was the issue last year — Cinci noted that they only studied A&M film before that game. if we had run the normal offense, we actually would have caught them off-guard)
“You’re not under house arrest, Ray.”
Hahahaha!!!!!
disagree. McCown can move around and up in the pocket but Johnny must often leave the pocket in order to see, which is why I think he has a tendency to bolt prematurely. Jeff Garcia was a shorter QB with the same issues so San Fran designed an offense for him and he became a star. Johnny’s downfield TD throw was enabled by no o-lineman or d-lineman being within 3 yards of him, but that will never be the case if they can’t run the ball. McCown is tall enough to see under pressure. Johnny would need his own system to be effective.
whether or not he is physically capable of seeing under pressure, I don’t think McCown does. he’s always been flighty in the face of a rush.
we’ll see if Flip gives Johnny more rollouts.
I can’t really blame any player who doesn’t want to be stuck in Brown-purgatory for 4/5 years.
http://www.dawgsbynature.com/2015/9/9/9298695/ray-farmer-mike-pettine-share-opinions-on-nfls-qb-problem-in-wsj
… Cleveland’s Farmer has one idea: What if you could design an offense to minimize the passing deficiencies of modern quarterback prospects? Farmer used the example of Auburn’s Nick Marshall, who threw 20 touchdowns last season but was projected to transition to defensive back in the NFL. What if, Farmer said, you devoted resources to designing an offense where Marshall could thrive? He would cost you almost nothing—Marshall went undrafted—and “you might get your franchise quarterback in the later rounds, and that’s unheard of these days.”
“Whoever cracks this code the soonest is going to have a huge, huge advantage,” Farmer said, adding he and his coach, Pettine, have had broad discussions on the topic.
Jealous of his battery life.
okaaay … and how is that mind-blowing cutting edge stuff consistent with trading up to take Manziel in the first round, or passing on Bridgewater? Or having Loggains give too much rope to Wild Ass Johnny when he wasn’t studying any playbook, even if it only contained pages to color in? Or having 5’11” Johnny trying to do the same stuff as 6’4″ McCown when Johnny has never been able to stay in the pocket?
Wish the WSJ had asked him for his philosophy about a receiver-needy team drafting receivers in receiver rich drafts. Might have dropped more smartest-man-in-the-room stuff on us.
I am just amused that Pettine and Farmer have stated this as their philosophy BUT it is NOT being applied when the rubber meets the road.
man, I better stop commenting on the Browns for a while. Can’t be as bleak as this team has looked to me the last month.
word
lmao !! … great column Kyle.
#nottoberacist got a huge LOL from me.
I loved the Kyle Shanahan texts.
Brilliant.
You on snapchat?
All the like buttons.