Ohio State’s run to the inaugural CFP Championship: WFNY Top 10 Cleveland Sports Stories: No. 2
December 29, 2015Cleveland State closes non-conference play with blowout win over Cedarville
December 29, 2015WFNY is proud of our assortment of writers and are especially grateful to be blessed with its daily readership. As part of our year-end festivities, WFNY has put together an Author Spotlight series to allow the readers to get to know the writers a bit better by pulling back the curtain on their thoughts and pulling in some of their favorite pieces from the year.
Here’s a quick look back at Kyle’s 2015 year and maybe find something (or several) you like that you missed the first time around. We hope you had a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, will have a Happy New Year, and we hope you continue blessing us by reading the site. Thank you.
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Kyle Welch: Quick Biography
Kyle grew spent his childhood surviving the repeated traumas of being a Cleveland sports fan, the worst torture imaginable for anyone who’s biggest complaint in life is about sports. He went to college at Ohio State under the assumption that he would get a “legitimate” and “serious” career. Kyle earned an engineering degree. Kyle is not an engineer. Kyle went to law school. Kyle does not practice law. Kyle is not a smart man. In 2011, Kyle struck out for California in search of something resembling the American Dream (read: a place without winters) in his trusty Conestoga wagon (read: a 2000 Chrysler Cirrus). Though he visits Northeast Ohio frequently, he currently lives in San Diego, where he can be found loudly complaining about things and pursuing a mission to taste all of San Diego’s craft brewing scene. Despite dogged efforts and hundreds of hours of his adolescence playing Pokémon, Kyle never did catch ‘em all.
Five Works That Best Encapsulate Kyle From 2015
In compliance with the laws governing the WFNY Author Spotlight series, each work has been associated with one word that evokes a personal trait. Because of the limits of the medium, none of the traits highlighted are “unathletic,” “white,” or “goofy-looking.”
Pseudo-Journalistic: The Bowling Alley that Saved the Cavs’ Season
Given WFNY’s limited resources and my other-jobbed status outside of writing Cleveland sports, I’m by necessity forced to do things other professional reporters need not trouble themselves with: statistical analysis, video analysis, and all sorts of uninformed and whacked-out thought experiments. This was one of my few opportunities to engage in something resembling actual journalism, by going to the scene to cover a quirky story that outlets with expense accounts lacked the creativity or interest to cover. I’m pretty sure the story was only important to me— but I was fascinated by the Cavs trip to an L.A. bowling alley that reversed their fortunes, even if no one else was.
Obsessive: The State of Johnny Utah
I wrote over 3500 words on a fake profile for Johnny Utah, a fictional character who was a fictional ex-Ohio State quarterback in a fictional movie called Point Break in which he was a fictional FBI agent pursuing fictional surfer/bank robbers. Did I mention this was all fictional? I did this for WFNY’s April Fool’s Day of fake stories, but mostly I did it because I’m insane. It’s like if Wright Thompson were a bad writer and uncomfortably into fan fiction.1
#Blessed: Ohio Statement
Regardless of what happened after January, 2015 was already promised treasured status as one of the greatest sports years of my life. I traveled on a whim to Dallas, Texas (not known as the “Paris of the Midwest”) to watch my alma mater play for a national championship. It was expensive. But they won(!), vindicating my financial investment and giving me one of the best sports memories of my life. Some of the passages I most enjoy writing are the things experienced firsthand and used to build the mise en scène not seen on the broadcast. Everyone has a television. If one of your teams gives you such an opportunity to go experience something like a championship (and they have a reasonable likelihood of success, obviously), loot the kids’ college fund and hit up Stubhub.
Sentimental: ‘Til Death Do Us Part?
As is any self-critical (or self-loathing) person’s habit, I tend to hate everything I’ve ever done after the fact. Occasionally, I don’t. I’m actually fond of my rambling analogy of the LeBron James-Cleveland dynamic to that of a romantic relationship. A lot of screwed up relationships went into researching this post.
Derisive: Texts From Ray: Week 2
I was thinking of describing this as “satirical,” but I wasn’t so much satirizing Ray Farmer — a man who conducts himself with dignity in all facets of his professional life other than his draft picks — as turning him into a doofus. The messages supposedly obtained from the Browns general manager while he was suspended for texting the sideline portrayed a goofball not unlike myself, asking coach Mike Pettine if he’d come party with him in the Muni Lot and asking his wife if they could buy a pet lizard. There were requests from a few kind readers that I continue the texts throughout the season, but I ran out of material, the posts took a long time, and I stopped seeing the humor in the Browns season around Week 5.
Explanation
Despite evidence to the contrary, writing is much more to me than a vehicle to carry Brandon Weeden jokes and Almost Famous quotes — an irresistible impulse more than a hobby. If I didn’t put my hands to the keyboard, who knows what kind of mischief my fingers would get into and diversions my mind would seek. If I didn’t write, I would probably be rambling to cats about the Cavs’ perimeter defense and filling my apartment with composition notebooks on what the Browns’ inability to draft a reliable receiver says about the nature of the universe. By allowing me this creative outlet, you readers have done me a great service. All we at WFNY ask is that you keep reading, and, occasionally, share our work with your friends or anyone willing to write us a check for several million dollars.
- Thanks to Will Gibson for providing the “cover photo” for the feature. [↩]
6 Comments
Rolling into San Diego in “a 2000 Chrysler Cirrus”….awesome. I may have you matched…I arrived on the west coast in Midwest fashion via a turquois Ford Escort (it was the year 2000).
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Texts from Ray were outstanding. Good call to end it after his suspension, but brilliant during it.
Ray probably didn’t stop texting after his suspension, why should Kyle have stopped? 🙂
Multiple degrees (including an engineering) going unused? Inability to catch ’em all? Almost Famous quotes and weekly Calvin & Hobbes strips?? Calling Kyle my long lost twin might be more accurate, but I prefer to think of him as my spirit animal.
texts from Ray. my favorite of the year.