Ohio State headlines All-Big Ten defense and special teams honorees
December 1, 2015Confession of a former Cavs fanatic
December 1, 2015Nadir, by definition, is the lowest point in a narrative arc where an individual or group experiences the greatest amount of adversity or despair. The protagonist, be it through fault of his or her own or simply poor luck, is handed a situation which seemed unfathomable while experiencing prior tribulations. The rhetorical question is always “How could it get any worse?” And the non-rhetorical answer, as always, is: Become a Browns fan.
Since our own Andrew Clayman penned his Last-minute Losses piece earlier this season, our beloved football-playing brethren have managed to add three more pages to the story. Just when you thought Tramon Williams jumping off-sides was bad enough, Barkevious Mingo hauls in a game-breaking interception, only to have the offense completely falters and the team goes three-and-out. But fear not, Tramon and the Browns offense: All you had to do was give it a few more weeks because the breakdown of an entire unit would completely remove you from the pantheon of should-have-beens.
Only one other NFL game has been decided by what has been dubbed a “Kick Six,” a blocked field goal that is taken all the way back for a game-ending score. Alabama technically lost to Auburn on a Kick Six during the 78th running of the Iron Bowl. But even then, that ball wasn’t blocked let alone by a guy playing in his first NFL game. A guy who should have been personally blocked by the team’s two first-round draft selections from this past spring, blocking the ball off of the foot of a kicker who had yet to miss a field goal on the season and was given a record that very night.
You’d like to think that this is the Nadir, that things have truly bottomed out for a franchise in dire need of some upward fortune. Then, you realize that there are still five games left in this season and this franchise manages to invent ways to lose football games. It’s remarkable, really.
Yep, I hate Cleveland THAT much.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 1, 2015
WINNER: Josh McCown
Looking back to when Josh McCown was signed by the Browns, I would have never assumed him to be able to slot perfectly into the role of Brian Hoyer Sympathetic Figure. No local connection. No Mr. Hero campaign—that was taken by Brian Hartline. Yet here McCown is, putting his career on the line with almost every snap, diving for first downs, holding on to the ball until the last possible millisecond. Here’s McCown, taking a demotion for no reason other than team-wide struggles and the desire to test the waters with his peer, and then jumping right in to the starting role as if he was never not his.
There’s a good chance that the McCown era is over in Cleveland. There’s Johnny. There’s Austin Davis’ two-year extension. There’s the NFL Draft. And there’s McCown’s whole “almost 40 years old and beaten to a pulp this year” thing. There’s also a good chance that this veteran fill-in was the best quarterback this team has seen since Tim Couch was given the heave-ho from Butch Davis. Kudos to McCown for impersonating Manziel on his way out the door.
https://vine.co/v/iWmxaUjwMFO
LOSER: Mike Pettine
I’m at a loss for words. When you handle the final two minutes of a fourth quarter the way Mike Pettine did on Monday night, you don’t deserve to win the football game and you certainly don’t deserve more than a few lines of a column. Two timeouts and 50 seconds couldn’t buy the team an extra few yards. Travis Coons had to be standing on the sidelines wondering what the hell was going on. The pass up the middle to Hartline was perfect, but no time out was called and there was zero urgency to get the next play off. If we want to blame Austin Davis for sliding in bounds, that’s fine. More on that later. But then, with time for one more play and the ball already on the right hash, you run…to the right?
Dude almost went for two points earlier in the game, and then changed his mind at the last second. Not only did Pettine coach scared, he was outcoached by a guy who was missing five key starters—all while coming off of a bye.
WINNER: Austin Davis
Sure, he didn’t exactly look like a man who understood how to handle a two-minute drill, but it’s tough to argue with Austin Davis’ willingness to step in, control the huddle, and put the Cleveland Browns in a position to win a football game.
https://vine.co/v/iWmxxKIOgH5
Now. if we could just do something about that horrible, horrible slide in bounds as the clock was winding down.
LOSER: Chris Tabor
Great Jim O’Neil impersonation, Chris. When your opponent drops two special teams touchdowns on you, you’re not doing it right.
https://vine.co/v/iWmPeEz90jt
WINNER: Karlos Dansby
While his run defense has slipped a bit since joining the Browns (this has been known to happen), Dansby has been solid in the passing game, picking off yet another wayward attempt across the middle and returning it for a score. While I don’t necessarily want my middle linebacker being tied for the lead in passes defensed, I’ll certainly take it.
LOSERS: Cameron Erving and Danny Shelton
Two first-round picks, tag-teaming one of the worst moments of a two-win season. I’m not even mad at this point as much as I am impressed.
https://vine.co/v/iWmQLw1OHOb
WINNER: Travis Benjamin, Gary Barnidge, Joe Thomas, Alex Mack
It’s to the point where we can just group these four in together as they appear to be the only stable producers on the team. Benjamin looked great as a possession receiver as well as his game-tying touchdown. That he swapped the braids for the Polamalu-like curls was an added bonus. Barnidge led the team in receptions (seven) and yardage (91), though he didn’t find the end zone. That Erving wasn’t able to flourish in between two Pro Bowlers makes his struggles that much worse.
LOSER: Travis Coons
It’s tough to not feel bad for a guy who set an NFL record for consecutive field goals without a miss, and then had to experience the wrong end of a pursuit block after finally missing an attempt. Yeesh.
https://vine.co/v/iWm2wMuenTI
WINNER: Johnny Manziel
With Josh McCown out, Manziel immediately vaults to at least second string.
Loser: Ray Farmer
I mean seriously.
Here’s a taste of what the national media had to say immediately following the game:
Most Browns moment ever?
— Marc Sessler (@MarcSesslerNFL) December 1, 2015
Cleveland never disappoints in finding new, spectacular ways to lose a game.
— Brad Evans (@YahooNoise) December 1, 2015
Cleveland always finds new ways to crush it's already depressed fan base.
— Dan Wetzel (@DanWetzel) December 1, 2015
MAN. And here I didn't think there was a way for the Browns to out-Browns their last second loss against the Chargers, but here we are.
— sarah sprague (@sarah_sprague) December 1, 2015
no shame in quitting your terrible football team. just putting it out there.
— bomani (@bomani_jones) December 1, 2015
Fun times in Cleveland again!
— Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur) December 1, 2015
That's what you get for running on the last play. See ya, Pettine
— Pete Prisco (@PriscoCBS) December 1, 2015
https://twitter.com/russbengtson/status/671552084752392192
And finally, the fans:
https://twitter.com/adumbghost/status/671550108660559872
https://twitter.com/scott_andrews17/status/671550342795010049
@WFNYScott Winner: Austin Jackson. Losers: Cam Erving for having his lunch stolen by the ravens DL on every play.
— Michael (@crobarred) December 1, 2015
@WFNYScott winners; draft position, Manziel somehow, my roommates laughing at me. Losers; my liver and wallet
— Jaws (@OSU_Jaws_13) December 1, 2015
https://twitter.com/scott_andrews17/status/671551360001826817
https://twitter.com/shelgoldbach/status/671551831764529152
Of all the Cleveland Browns, you're the Cleveland Browniest.
— Jeremy Markovich (@deftlyinane) December 1, 2015
@WFNYScott Winners: Hartline (solid game), Coons (still broke a record). Losers: Offensive line, refs for missing offside and OOB
— Kevin Hagan (@KevinHagan3) December 1, 2015
@WFNYScott winners: us — draft pick we can be excited about and then f up Losers: us again for getting even an ounce of hope up
— Caroline B. (@caroline3412) December 1, 2015
@WFNYScott win: Balt bc they beat us with a roster of backups + NFL; crap game was still entertaining. Loser: CLE
— Eric Brooks (@OffSummers) December 1, 2015
@WFNYScott Winner: the alcohol industry. Loser: my blood pressure.
— Hatt Pond PA (@hattyboh) December 1, 2015
@WFNYScott the Brown are not a football team, they are a huge social experiment on the effects of blind loyalty.
— J K (@deadloungeact) December 1, 2015
@WFNYScott @WFNYCraig winner: whoever was playing @AdamSchefter this week in fantasy football. pic.twitter.com/9cKOWtr7YK
— Darren Gessner (@gessnerdarren) December 1, 2015
https://twitter.com/AndrewDeChellis/status/671561986623201280
@WFNYScott loser: Swagger the Dog who is forced to watch this team at every home game.
— KJ in CLE (@KJCLEWFNY) December 1, 2015
44 Comments
LOSER: Bowe. So bad, even Gilbert could cover him.
WINNER: Johnson. Continues to not Play Like A Brown.
“STOP IT! STOP IT ALREADY! YOU’RE KILLIN’ ME DOWN HERE. JUST KILLIN’ ME!”
Winner: Browns for getting one step closer to the number one spot in the draft.
Loser: Browns because Farmer will probably draft an OL to replace Joe Thomas or something stupid like that.
Loser: Chomps
http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/Hh9YoUCoGxc/maxresdefault.jpg
Reader poll: Vines or GIFs?
GIF’s for me.
GIFs all day e’ry day.
Not mentioned above, so adding (but I’ll have more on him later).
Winner: Tashaun Gipson – great game by him, but also one of the Plays of the Game that allowed Austin Davis, Travis Benjamin and company to even have a chance to pull even and flub it at the end.
I like Vines
gifs as well!
Winner: Browns memes. Browns/10
Loser: We have to blow this up now, right? Like there’s no way anyone keeps their job. Incredibly limited talent and Pettine has started to look lost.
I didn’t watch the game. I was ready to bury Shelton and Erving on the field goal block. I’m not going to say they don’t bear responsibility, but it looks two guys are trying to block four. I know blocking on kicks is always sort of a scrum. Still, is that normal?
Pettine: Getting outcoached and your team loses after a bye to a bunch of NFL backups, shows you the Browns are only better than the Titans, and should draft second, and once again, clean house.
The Ravens had two extra guys due to the place-holder and kicker, and yes, the Ravens targeted the rookies with 4 guys.
But Art will always be a loser, for running Paul Brown out of town, Jim Brown out of town, and the entire franchise out of town…
GIFs seem to load more reliably
“WINNER: Johnny Manziel
With Josh McCown out, Manziel immediately vaults to at least second string.”
http://gamedayr.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/lee-corso-meme.jpg
At this point, I’m pretty sure Pettine just got Pryor out of spite. He’ll be 2nd string QB tomorrow.
Winner: Every QB not named Manziel. What an effort.
Winner: The Browns because they didn’t screw up their draft order
Loser: Pettine and Farmer. Gruden destroyed the franchise on national television and it was glorious. That is on Farmer. Losing to an injured team is on Pettine. Guy had weeks to prepare, almost looked foolish on the 2 point attempt and benching Manziel and then looked like a fool in the final two minutes.
Vines.
For some reason, vines seem to load better for me when they’re part of WFNY’s actual content. I think it’s the little guys living in my computer.
I get that, but I’m saying if the kicking team knows that the ball is going to be kicked over the left of side of the line then shouldn’t they have stacked more offensive lineman on that side of the line? Basically, Erving should haven’t have had to worry about the guys on his left and focused on the dude on his right.I’m not sure if that’s his fault or how the Browns lined up.
Winner: Fargo. What a great, truly wonderful TV show.
WFNY PREDICTION GAME
BROWNS RECORD = 2-9
CURRENT WINNERS
Harv = 6-10
Josh = 5-11
The Real Shamrock = 5-11
B-bo = 5-11
Scott = 4-12
Saggy = 4-12
6thCity = 4-12
Hopwin = 4-12
Nj0 = 4-12
ON THE BUBBLE
Garry Owen = 7-9
LOSERS
ME = 12-4
Michael = 9-7
Pat Leonard = 9-7
Craig = 8-8
Joe = 8-8
So if Jimmy decides not to fire anyone, are you going to root for Buffalo?
This whole winners/losers things is a trolling effort and CB Everett doesn’t like it!
Amen!
We all lost because they probably won’t even win 4 games. Maybe not even 3.
Am now 9-2
Reposting here:
@ Jets – L (CORRECT)
vs Titans – W (CORRECT)
vs Raiders – W (INCORRECT)
@ Chargers – L (CORRECT)
@ Ravens – L (INCORRECT)
vs Broncos – L (CORRECT)
@ Rams – L (CORRECT)
vs Cardinals – L (CORRECT)
@ Bengals – L (CORRECT)
@ Steelers – L (CORRECT)
vs Ravens – L (CORRECT)
vs Bengals – L
vs 49ers – W
@ Seahawks – L
@ Chiefs – W
vs Steelers – L
Quit trolling man you are upsetting the rest of us!
GIFs because Vine is blocked at work. And, you know, productivity.
little of each is nice
I’d say GIF if had to choose 1
+1
True but he also died with more SBs then Cleveland too!
+2
Vines seem to load more reliably
The paradigm has shifted. I no longer worry about wins, losses or the concept of being “good”. It’s all performance art, for our entertainment. Beating the snot out of other teams is so passe, do you really think Patriots fans enjoy watching their team win 80% of the time? Wheres the fun in that? Win or lose, I got to see something Ive never, ever ever ever seen before last night, and will likely never see again. Keep on keepin on Brownies. Please continue to come up with ways to lose that even Stephen King hasn’t thought of yet. I got my popcorn ready, ON WITH THE SHOW
I have trouble with Vines on mobile.
Phil! Is it you?!
I’d probably root for the Bengals. Go Ohio, and all that.
touche
Fair.
I pulled up the last film room vault, and the first gif moved two scenes, then stopped. I scrolled to the second which stuttered through the first loop (normalish), then played fine. Feeling potentially defeated I went to the 3rd, which was frozen, as was the rest of the page.
You say I’m on the bubble, but I just know that the Browns are going to run off a string of 5 consecutive victories – just because it would be very Brownsy of them to do so, leaving everyone still wondering whether people should be fired. I’d say I’m right in the sweet spot.
It’s nice that I’m in your mind (it’s a small place in here and a lot of mildew) so much that you mention me individually.
You’re such a non-fan and hate the Browns coverage so much…it’s awful that someone is making you comment non-stop on these threads. You poor guy! #notatroll
http://memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Internet-Troll-Meme-15.jpg
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Normal is having the guys squeeze to the inside and hold their ground. the worst part on Erving/Shelton on the FG block is Cam let’s someone get between himself and Shelton. A definitive no-no. Make everyone go to the outside.
all that being said, the kick was so low, there were plenty more hands to block it if it got past the first Raven.