NFL Rumor: George Kokinis Back to Baltimore?
March 2, 2010The 5-Hole: Blue Jackets News and Notes – 3/2/10 – Back-to-Action Edition
March 2, 2010Disclaimer – Rick wrote a similar piece regarding the Cavaliers yesterday. I am aware of this. This piece is similar, but a bit more overarching. I’ve been working on it for a few weeks whilst on WFNY sabbatical. An open letter to “Joe the Cleveland Sports Fan”, if you will. So I’m going to get up on this really tall horse real quick and shout this one out, so everyone can hear it.
Dear Esteemed Brethren,
The past month or so has been crazy between the trade deadline, the snow, the upcoming NFL draft, and the otherwise noticeable dearth of localized professional sports going on (I personally love me some Olympics, but Olympics sound foreign and scary to some so we will not discuss them here). I thought that I would recap the past month or so of our lives as Cleveland sports fans, so here is a rough timeline complete with generalized knee-jerk reactions from some of the internet’s finest (these fine folks are in the capital letters, for clarity):
- Z MIGHT be traded – the world is ending (fell perfectly in line with SNOWPOCALYPSE, therefore WE PANIC).
- LeBron was the only Cavalier invited to All-Star Weekend Festivities – Emperor Stern is doing all he can to wrest The Maestro from Cleveland’s dead, lifeless fingers
- Cavs didn’t get Amar’e at the trade deadline – Danny Ferry is the sux, is causing the world to end.
- Cavs traded Z – Z WILL NEVER GET BOUGHT OUT BECUZ THE WIZZZERDS DO NOT OPERATE UNDER GENERALLY ACCEPTED BISNESS PRINCIPULLS BECAUSE THEY ARE OUR RIVALS
- The Tribe sign Russell Branyan. WAT? DOLANS ARE CHEAP! DAN GILBERT FOR EVERYTHING!!!
- The Cavs drop three games immediately following the trade deadline move – clearly, the only logical solution is that the Cavaliers are now cursed because they traded everyone’s favorite Cavalier (In fact, for this exercise LeBron is not the favorite, because we want to complain about losing our favorite. Also, you cannot complain about LeBron. Ever. To do so is fully un-Cleveland. Only jerks from DC do that.)
- While the Cavs are losing, people notice interesting stats about LeBron’s three-point shooting – I SAW ON INTERNET THAT HE IS JACKIN THEM THREEBALLS! WHY FOR HE DO THAT? ME LIKE HIM DO THE SLAM DUNK AND SCOWL!
- NFL Draft approaches – BROWNIES GOIN 2 DA SUPER BOWL!!1!
- Z gets bought out – he might not re-sign with Cavs. – The tiny little pieces of the Earth that are left after the original explosion (because all world-is-ending scenarios result in explosions) are destroyed by space ships with GIANT LAZERS.
- Shaq’s thumb gets injured, he’s out essentially until the Eastern Conference Finals – ZOMG ZOMG, CURSE OF Z!!
- LeBron might not re-sign with the Cavs – THE ALIENS DRIVING THE SPACE SHIPS ARE WEARING KNICKS JERSEYS WE ARE ALL DOOMED!
As I said – this is a charicature of the fanbase, but these people still exist. Hopefully not all manifested in the same person all at once. Luckily for us, things tend to stay sane around these parts.
Maybe it’s a result of our society devolving to the point where the loudest, most sensationalist person or story gets the attention/media coverage. Regardless, the absurdity of the overarching negativity is becoming more and more apparent. This 2009-2010 Cavaliers Basketball Club is quite good. The roster is inarguably improved over last season’s. There’s nothing we can do as a fan base besides sit back and enjoy the fact that quite frankly, they’re better than just about everyone.
But, obviously, that’s not enough for we the fans. I realize that the term ‘fan’ is derived from the word ‘fanatic’, and we are all supposed to care deeply about our beloved teams. Now that we have essentially instant outlets in Twitter, Facebook, and any number of blogs (such as this fine establishment), newspapers, magazines, ESPNs, etcetera, we have the ability to make our opinions known. So common sense (and common courtesy) be damned, we’re going to share it.
The truth of the matter is we don’t always temper ourselves or take the time to really think out our opinions. I say this knowing full well that I like to press the instant-snark button (that’s why I’ve been on a self-imposed hiatus as of late). Still, in order to have worthwhile discourse, it never hurts to take a step back and think about things.
So let’s hit the mental reset button and really, truly think about what we’ve got on our hands in terms of Cleveland sports. The Cavs are rolling on a number of cylinders, as has been discussed mucho as of late. As Brendan so astutely pointed out this weekend, the schedule over the course of the month of March (beware the Ides) is relatively easy for your favorite basketballing team. So we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.
The Tribe is, well, still the Tribe. The season doesn’t look to be a particularly exciting one, and the team likely won’t be holding up multi-flagged trophies any time soon. If anything in the Cleveland sports umbrella is ever cursed, it would likely be the Tribe (not the Cavs because of Z CURSE OF Z!!!! O! M! G!). But there are other people devoting time to that sort of argument. I will try to stay on point.
The Browns? They are certainly looking to be on the up-and-up, but the again that’s been the company line now for a few years. Hopefully we won’t be stuck in perpetual Groundhog Day mode from here on out. I’m sure that Ryan Mallett will bring us to victory. Getcha Ryan Mallett bears ready. If nothing else, adding bear ears to the Browns’ helmets would make us smile when we see them play (see picture at left). Yes? YESSS??!?
The Buckeyes are still the Buckeyes, on pace to win the Big Ten titles in football and men’s AND women’s basketball – something that’s very, very rarely done. I’ll leave them out of this for the most part (because there are plenty who DON’T WANT NO tOSU ALL UP IN THEY CLEVELAND SPORTS), aside from pointing out the fact that the OSU fanbase has its crazies/Fire Tressel/What-have-you-done-for-me-lately crowd as well.
And the Jackets? Well, see Dan’s upcoming post at 2 about that.
So in reality, right now, the Cavs are our shot at a title, but we all know this, yes? At this point (and ignoring OSU), they’re really all we’ve got. The uncertainty of the future makes the pressure to win right now astounding. But hey – why not enjoy it?
Is it REALLY more fun to sit and scream bloody murder than to watch our bakitbaww team put a hurtin’ on the hapless New York Knickerbockers? Screaming is loud, and uncool. It makes your face red and bloaty, which is not the most attractive look (I still think you look fabulous, Chief Wahoo). Not to mention you kind of sound like a jerk when yelling, talking louder than socially-accepted levels. It’s much more fun to listen to some fun music and do a dance.
I’m putting my proverbial internet foot down on this one – let’s not waste time with the whole wailing and grinding of teeth thing. It’s no good for our mental health, our blood pressure, or our hygiene (I just assume that getting all worked up causes one’s body to smell bad, though I don’t know because I use OLD SPICE BODYWASH). No more of this “sigh, only in CLEVELAND” business. No more downtrodden, Apocalypse-Now, woe-are-we, end-is-nigh, over-hyphenated-but-still-valid whining. No more getting up in arms after every article about LeBron leaving – let’s be adults and just ignore them, shall we? Let’s just hang out, have a few carbonated beverages of choice, and enjoy our teams. Some of them are better than others, but whatever – it’s all for fun. Remember fun? It’s pretty awesome.
Maybe, for some people, screaming and taking away from others’ fun is more enjoyable than watching a truly bitchin’ basketball team, or spending a day out at the ballpark watching a baseball game, or doing things with football playing. To those people who want to go all Debbie Downer on us, I say: Chill out.
—
Photo Credit: Brady Quinn photo – Mark Duncan / AP
29 Comments
I am shocked, outraged, appaled, aghast, alarmed, dismayed, insulted, and fazed.
HOW DARE YOU SIR?!
“Also, you cannot complain about LeBron. Ever. To do so is fully un-Cleveland. Only jerks from DC do that.”
Finally, you see the point I’ve been pressing for months Denny.
…
…
Wait, what?
God bless the Denny. And Cleveland.
“Z WILL NEVER GET BOUGHT OUT BECUZ THE WIZZZERDS DO NOT OPERATE UNDER GENERALLY ACCEPTED BISNESS PRINCIPULLS BECAUSE THEY ARE OUR RIVALS”
also see: http://www.cleveland.com/sports
Nice article, Denny, and great job on the Snowpocalypse poster. Alas, you murdered the etymology of the word “fan.” The term derives from the followers of a boxer back around 1900. Between rounds, they would fan him to cool him off. The followers then became known as fans.
And now you know the rest of the story.
Good day.
Mr.Clevesburgh, for using etymology is a post. I owe you a beer.
Specifically, this one: http://tastybooze.com/wp-content/gallery/random_pictures/steel_reserve.jpg
@6
Eli,
Whoa! Steel Reserve! That looks like a six-aspirin headache in the making! Thanks, bud.
Go! Go my favorite sports team!! Beat the opponent soundly in the skirmish!
btw denny great article….I mean ZOMG WE ARE TEH SUX!!!11! WTFBBQROFLCOPTERS Z WONT COME BACK!AGHHH!!!1!
Denny, are you familiar with the website http://www.hipsterrunoff.com?
Welcome back WFNY jester! đ
Notice: Some of HRO’s (linked in post #10) content may not be suitable for persons under the age of 18. Not in a gratuitous way. Just wanted to give the heads up as the WFNY crew strives to maintain the family-friendly atmosphere.
Oh yeah? I’ll stop m’ing and b’ing if you promise to never, ever again use the word “whilst” in a post. Also, if WFNY stops geeking up readers with every stupid-head “Someone Somewhere Just Said LeBron Is Leaving!!!” posts and then complaining about stupid-head reactions.
Nice article, Denny. (Dolans still sux, even their distant relatives)
dammit denny, i thought you were talking about the john-mayer-napalm-in-the-morning.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1254810/Jessica-Simpson-comes-close-tears-hits-ex-John-Mayer-Oprah-Winfrey.html
THERE ARE A LOT OF CAPITOL LETTERS IN THIS POST!
*CAPITAL
/shows self out
Love the Couch bear as a ghostly visage in the upper left.
Mr. Cleaveland has done etymological brain surgery on me.
You can’t just do that in a comment without a spoiler warning.
I need to phone some people.
Swig
all Denny’s letters are Capitol letters
Denny, do you ride your horses backwards?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE
So many things going on in the comments. Mostly, I’m confused why Mr. Cleveland wants to talk about insects all of the sudden.
@ Jack – I’m aware of it now, Awesome that they had the word ‘LAZER’ in their header.
@ Kunal – no, I ride forwards. But I prefer triceratops as my mode of transportation.
Brady Quinn bear helmet caused me to laugh inappropriately loud and long at work.
effing awesome.
Just think of how much more merchandise Brady could sell if he was both dreamy AND adorable.
@alex just think about how much he could sell if he really had bear ears!
@21 At least you didn’t say side saddle! :0
Bloggers vs. Writers….
*Journalists rather.
@8: Brian Regan. Nice. Well done sir.
“Watchin a truly bitchin basketball team”
ha, classic