Someone Put Doug Dieken Out Of His Misery
Written By: Rick | Category: Cleveland Browns | Comments: 26
Have you ever watched some of the Browns programs on SportsTime Ohio? I admit to having seen a few minutes here and there of The Berea Report, but never had I seen the Browns Red Zone program until late last night. In the middle of the night I had to let my dog out to go to the bathroom, only to discover the dog had in fact gotten into the trash. Now angry and somewhat awake, I flipped through the channels and came across Jim Donovan, Tony Grossi and Doug Dieken sitting at a desk taking phone calls.
Donovan was loud and somewhat perky as usual, and Grossi calmly sat there and answered questions from fans. Doug Dieken was leaning forward, hands on the desk looking like he would rather be anywhere else in the world than at that desk, and on that show. And I remembered where I had seen that look before.
The look is a bit more intense than say the look of a high school senior at the begining of May, but the level of disgust is about the same. It is more intense because unlike the 18 year student, the person wearing this look feels somewhat trapped and hopeless. Perhaps the story will help explain the look.
Some years ago I was at the Belden Village Mall in North Canton. (The name has since changed I know, but I can’t for the life of me remember what it is now.) I happened to walk in the mall on sports card and memorabilia day. Always a pleasant surprise I made my way around the tables and looked at the merchandise. I was rounding a corner close to the food court when I saw the look. It was being worn by a man that looked to be in his late 30’s or early 40’s. He was an athletic looking bald man sitting behind a table with memorabilia on it. The person looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place him.
Standing on the other side of the table was another man. He was much more nonathletic looking, with bags and card collecting boxes under his arms. He wore glasses and had a very ‘nerdish’ look to him. There was one very outstanding feature on this man. His mouth. It never stopped. He just kept talking, and talking, and talking.
I surveyed the table of merchandise. It was filled with old wrestling photos and cards. Mostly from the WWF glory days. Then it hit me. The man sitting behind the table wearing the look…was Virgil the Bodyguard. He was one of the Million Dollar Man’s crew that eventually had a few matches of his own. He wasn’t a particularly good wrestler, and certainly didn’t obtain the kind of fame that a lot of guys from that era did. He was apparently trying to make every last dollar he could from his time in the ring, and this little card show in Northern Ohio was just the next stop for him. But I’ll always remember that look. It was the look of a man begging for a different circumstance. He wanted to be anywhere but that card show on a Saturday afternoon, and he certainly didn’t want to have to listen to some stranger talk about every match that he had ever watched before. But that was his lot now.
That was the same look I saw in Doug Dieken’s eyes last night. No way he wanted to talk at length about Mangini and whether or not he should be fired, or whether or not he had “lost the team” with another fan. But he had to. Time and time again. Each calling somehow finding a new angle to come back to the same problems and the same questions.
Someone rescue Doug, he’s had enough!
Author: Rick
Rick is a co-founder and editor of WFNY. His love of Cleveland sports is surpassed only by his faith and love of his family. Follow him on Twitter- @rickwfny.Rick has written 743 articles for Waiting for Next Year.
It’s Westfield now and where there was once a completely awesome, double-decker Burger King now sits a Hot Topic. That’s the same look I have when I’m sitting in the Man Chair waiting for my wife to come out of the dressing room and ask me how the jeans look.
I can’t believe that Mike D’Antoni is on TV in Cleveland!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Virgil.jpg
i would think it’d be tough to make a judgment on whether or not Dieken enjoys his gigs on STO based on seeing just one show. though i did not see the episode in question, i have watched the Red Zone and Sunday Strategy shows quite a bit and Dieken seems to be enjoying himself just fine, if you consider that he’s not the most boisterous personality to begin with.
That Burger King was incredible! If Teenage Me had known Virgil/Vincent was at Belden Village, I’d have been there in a heartbeat.
It’s good work if you can get it.
There are worse things.
It’s amusing to read the title of this post as a statement of fact, rather than a command.
@7:
Okay, everybody say goodbye to Doug. He’s going to a better place.
@7, thank you, that made my afternoon
also in the story I was waiting for the part where we find out Virgil was actually selling himself as a piece of memorabilia as opposed to just doing autographs and what not, for $34.99 you can take Virgil home and use him as a lawn ornament
@7 Excellent, excellent stuff.
Amazing what a comma can do.
buu, that picture has me laughing almost uncontrollably for the past few minutes.
buu wins! Nice find…picture an annoying guy standing there for an hour recounting past wrestling matches and you have the idea.
It will always be Belden Village to those of us who grew up near there.
Memories….
I dunno, Doug Dieken had the same disinterested face when he was playing football:
http://media.photobucket.com/image/doug%20dieken/paddio37/dieken.jpg
And even on his collectable mug!:
http://www.theglassjunkie.com/images/Glass-Browns-Dieken-fr.JPG
I mean, really, who looks bored on their own collectable mug?!
this post and the comments in it have caused me to laugh audibly no fewer than four times. great work Rick, buu, BisonDeleSightings, and Kardiac Kid! this has really brightened my day! classic post….
This has only made me think about one thing. Why did the Million Dollar Man need a bodyguard? He was a professional wrestler! I have to say, I think that wrestling stuff is fake. I’m not trying to throw the Million Dollar Man under the buss but it is what it is.
I had that set of glasses!!
between #3 and #7, i don’t think i’ve laughed this hard from WFNY since the picture mock ups you guys did last year comparing cleveland athletes to other celebrities
…and #14
Aw c’mon, Diek is great! Well okay, maybe not great, but he’s decent. He’s also on The Point After with Donovan, Rutigliano, and Grossi at 7 p.m. Mondays. I love those shows, especially The Point After. The other panelists like to bust Dieken’s chops and he’s good natured about it. Yeah he’s not always very articulate and he gets a little tongue-tied, but he’s a good watch.
BTW, during the bye week, I listened to some of the Bengals radio broadcast on WTAM. Holy cow, their color guy is horrible. The schmuck never shuts up! As soon as the play-by-play guy is done describing the play, this color guy feverishly launches into the most hyperventilating yet boring monologues about nothing that you’ve ever heard, beating some obvious point to death. It was awful! Made me miss ole Myron on the Pittspuke network and made me appreciate Dieken.
I like Doug Dieken, but I do not like to listen to Doug Dieken. I’ve never liked listening to his commentary. Would rather listen to Bernie.
I didn’t even know that they changed the name of that mall! I have a picture of my as a child sitting on Diek’s lap…ahh the good old days….can anyone really blame him for hating his job right now?
I usally find myself watching “The Browns Red Zone” or the “Berea Report” on STO. Living in KY it’s a good way to keep up with the very little progress happenings in Berea.
Perhaps if more people would be more insurance Doug wouldn’t have to be on the show, but until then he will continue to plug Jackson, Dieken & Assoc., Insurance Agency
RIGHT SIDE!
Oh man…
As a former wrestling fan who still has a knowledge of the industry I know that Virgil is notorious for trying to con people out of every dollar he can at one of those conventions.
He’ll take his photo with people completely unsolicited then demand payment from them.
I know that’s off topic from the central Doug Dieken topic, but I thought it was interesting nonetheless.
You couldn’t tell by that mug, but during Dieken’s playing days, he was a huge practical joker and pulled some of the craziest pranks on his teammates.
A friend and I have had a long running belief that if you listen close enough to the Browns radio broadcast, once the game gets ugly you can hear Dieken popping open a beer. We used to watch the games on mute with the radio on and without a doubt have heard cans pop.